it's July!
i cant really believe, i was graduated more than a year, and been working at my current place for a full year!
time goes without stopping for me, or anyone of us
the month of July, to me is like a long long month, 31 days but it seems like endless
few things in my mind actually
1. it marks a year i have been out to work
2. it marks i fail to seek better place within this whole year, shame on me =(
3. i am lost, despite the many dreams and many aspiration of my future, i cant see myself
So how?
Well, time still passed no matter what kind of emotion i had along the way
To actually realize this eternal fact can be even more worrying, but it can be enlightening too
somebody ask me a simple question recently, well, he is one of my superior
What kind of life you want?
Simple as that, but it really knock me down
Not that i do not have the answer, in fact i answer spontaneously in a way that i was being interviewed
sharp, fast and steady, as if im well prepared with the answer which i have been prepared
surprisingly, after i shoot my answer confidently of how well i imagine my life to be
he told me : to me, what i want is to be happy
stunned, a simple but awakening statement from him
that day, and a few days that follows
i was wondering, what exactly miss out in myself
i thought i was telling a perfect tales of my life map which will be envy by many people
5 years, 10 years, and so on, i though if i follow the way i plan, i will be successful living a good life
but i found that my plan is totally defenseless after that conversation
am i having not enough faith in my own plan and swayed by others?
i think not, things that goes wrong is my so-called planning, dreams, aspiration
it was all a perfectly sculptured body
nice-looking but it lacks the very fundamental element within the body --- the soul,
which makes it lifeless
And i was not happy with that
On the next day, i turn down the offer from another company, offering me a job in production of chemicals
i am not sure whether this a rational one
cos previously i though im so firm with strong reasons to switch
i though i had made up a firm decision to change
but deep down in me i found i am not feeling happy to leave
that's the soul which i'm missing, and i choose to stop that and find back my soul
that's what i can conclude in July
So August is coming
Haha I'm so happy with my birthday's coming
not really because im expecting anybody to wish me or celebrate with me
but im feeling particular happy of getting grown up to a better person
I'm glad through my journey i have met quite a number of inspiring people
from where i draw lessons and reflect myself
and from their stories im well aware the challenge on me is to live my own way and shine
Keep this up!
With love,
Kayne
