你还记得你想时候爱做什么吗？
我记得 小时候的我和现在一样安静害羞
所以最爱做的就是看故事书
我没有童年玩伴，就连我的弟弟我都没和他一起玩过玩具
我就关在房里看书 爸妈看在眼里就觉得放心
因为看书看报 我的文字领悟能力比较好
但是我不见得写文章很好 说故事也不见得很妙 别人说着童年的故事我也没分
我记得 小时候的我和现在一样喜欢烹煮
所以最爱玩的游戏就是像是家家酒的“生意”
“做生意”的地点可以是客厅的沙发 可以是睡床上
卖的是煎饼--很多口味的 家里其实没有什么玩具但也可以自言自语玩得很开心
到现在我还是很爱煮给朋友吃 家常便饭就是自称招牌
我记得 小时候的我也很爱炫知识
所以我最喜欢给妹妹开补习班了 哪怕开始的时候妹妹才不过是幼儿园的小不点
我爱教 乐此不疲 因为能在不会的人面见解释、讲解实在太有优越感了
我就爱这份感觉 满满地满足 不需要金钱的满足
也因为这样我也把只是记得更好 因为不想出丑
我记得 小时候的我最爱看人体科学的书
还没到中五的生物课 我对人体健康、医药的知识早就在一般人之上了
星洲日报的养生也是我了解各种保健词汇的源头 和妈妈分享最开心了
在救伤队一分子的我 对满满的急救知识充满骄傲
现在的我，找不到快乐、骄傲
看回过去的自己，我知道是自己勉强了幸福
没有会懂过去的我，也没有人会懂现在的我
感受是自己的，别人带不走
小时候的快乐现在追
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
那把火灭了，我的笑容去了哪里
最近忧郁症像是复发了
笑容不见了
心中的那把火 快灭了
我每天活着 却像是没活着
没有感觉快乐感觉的生活 还算是生活吗？
我的笑话没有了 因为没有了听众·
我的骄傲没有了 因为没有了值得炫耀的事
我说：要感恩
可是这样活却着像是在苦行，我笑不出，我不知道要为什么而笑
我很累，心很累，身子很累，脑子也很累
压力 是因为我根本不想去面对问题，是因为我没有兴趣面对现在的问题
压力，让我越变越笨，越变越不懂的说话，越变越消沉
我问我自己为什么会这样？要怎样解脱？我可以重来吗？我下一步该怎样走？
我是不是想太多了？我是不是太空虚了？
我真的累了，对不起，我没办法振作，我没办法笑了
因为 心中那把火 快灭了。。。
笑容不见了
心中的那把火 快灭了
我每天活着 却像是没活着
没有感觉快乐感觉的生活 还算是生活吗？
我的笑话没有了 因为没有了听众·
我的骄傲没有了 因为没有了值得炫耀的事
我说：要感恩
可是这样活却着像是在苦行，我笑不出，我不知道要为什么而笑
我很累，心很累，身子很累，脑子也很累
压力 是因为我根本不想去面对问题，是因为我没有兴趣面对现在的问题
压力，让我越变越笨，越变越不懂的说话，越变越消沉
我问我自己为什么会这样？要怎样解脱？我可以重来吗？我下一步该怎样走？
我是不是想太多了？我是不是太空虚了？
我真的累了，对不起，我没办法振作，我没办法笑了
因为 心中那把火 快灭了。。。
Thursday, October 20, 2011
new place old feeling
wanna blog my feeling
coz i feel it is something which is worth to be recorded in my life
today is the forth day of my work, 5th day i stay in this new place
i must say, i miss u all...my parents, and some of my good friends
to my parents, i love you all for being such a great parents, accompany me all the way to here
and the moment i received the call from you yesterday, mum, u set me free from all the unhappiness
to my friends i knw from young, esp from TG, and been living with me under one roof for past one year
you all might not know but i really recall if the days with you all when i feel weak
the flash back really soothes my mind and take to me sweet dream these few nights
you all don't know, and even i also dun know before this, that you all have create such a good memory
which can be my strength when i recall at moment of despair
Ah, how fortunate I'm to have you all
It's just that I did not let you all know openly
but i blog it here, shows i truly wanna keep all these memories in mind
i dun wan to show off in FB, but the feeling of appreciation is deep in me and i reveal here privately
Being at a new place, what I stay on is my identity
take along what's good whenever i go
it tells me that i was living great in the past, and i will even treasure what i have in present
cherish every moment I am alive, and stay great with you all
let's do it together
with love,
kayne
coz i feel it is something which is worth to be recorded in my life
today is the forth day of my work, 5th day i stay in this new place
i must say, i miss u all...my parents, and some of my good friends
to my parents, i love you all for being such a great parents, accompany me all the way to here
and the moment i received the call from you yesterday, mum, u set me free from all the unhappiness
to my friends i knw from young, esp from TG, and been living with me under one roof for past one year
you all might not know but i really recall if the days with you all when i feel weak
the flash back really soothes my mind and take to me sweet dream these few nights
you all don't know, and even i also dun know before this, that you all have create such a good memory
which can be my strength when i recall at moment of despair
Ah, how fortunate I'm to have you all
It's just that I did not let you all know openly
but i blog it here, shows i truly wanna keep all these memories in mind
i dun wan to show off in FB, but the feeling of appreciation is deep in me and i reveal here privately
Being at a new place, what I stay on is my identity
take along what's good whenever i go
it tells me that i was living great in the past, and i will even treasure what i have in present
cherish every moment I am alive, and stay great with you all
let's do it together
with love,
kayne
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The days after leaving my first job
Recently had been really free
Free from routine job in TG
Free from doing house chores
However i dun feel good
I feel tensioned with the upcoming job
and i cant bring up the spirit to clear myself from the mess and prepare for the next
obviously, i was not suited with this short break :(
i wonder why
coz i tot i will enjoy this break from my routine
but i can barely sleep well everyday
and i am moody, and not able to think well
as if i have lose the positive "aura" i used to have in TG
haha, i wonder: am i missing my old job?
most of the days have been wasted, totally unproductive and not relaxing though
and i rushed to SG twice for room hunting, totally not efficient and wasted money
becoz of bad mood, i din enjoy my time with my parents too, which i really feel guilty one of the big reason i came back earlier is to accompany my parents more ...but i think i din do well in that
Ah...anxious, worrying again...the old, bad me :(
Just a few days ago, i had remind of the wise words from a very respected manager of me
life is about happiness
there will be no point to live when u pursue so many things while keeping yourself unhappy
he is right, the purpose of life must be there always
always repent, always think about what's the purpose of doing something
that will mostly keep us including me from being negative
after a good sleep, and a cup of black coffee, and when i came back from SG for second time
i am now feeling much better
thinking back, i see the importance of action again
when u r worry, and duno where to start off
calm down, coz things definitely is difficult at the beginning and there will be times u duno wat to do
just keep doing it, keep doing it
most importantly keep your faith and attitude positive
dun ever dwell on it too much, dun doubt coz its common
and dun compare too much, keep doing it and it will improve after times
oh bad mood, i find it difficult to deal with you when my life style has a sudden change
from having many people close with me, to a place where no or less people concern me
loneliness breeds negative thought, its very true
to make it worse, problems hits me one after another and im crippled by negative thoughts
for this, calm your mind, try to FEEL the religion and the grateful feeling inside out
remember how i had got to here? keep humble, keep grateful to everyone, every incident, keep healthy
remembering parents, family, friends or anyone who has talk something to me that in some way or another brings me here
physically, eat well, sleep well, and move more
mentally, be positive, be humble, be calm, be grateful of wat has happened
and always remember the purpose of life, work to improve to be happier, not to be more miserable
with love, peace and joy,
kayne ;)
Free from routine job in TG
Free from doing house chores
However i dun feel good
I feel tensioned with the upcoming job
and i cant bring up the spirit to clear myself from the mess and prepare for the next
obviously, i was not suited with this short break :(
i wonder why
coz i tot i will enjoy this break from my routine
but i can barely sleep well everyday
and i am moody, and not able to think well
as if i have lose the positive "aura" i used to have in TG
haha, i wonder: am i missing my old job?
most of the days have been wasted, totally unproductive and not relaxing though
and i rushed to SG twice for room hunting, totally not efficient and wasted money
becoz of bad mood, i din enjoy my time with my parents too, which i really feel guilty one of the big reason i came back earlier is to accompany my parents more ...but i think i din do well in that
Ah...anxious, worrying again...the old, bad me :(
Just a few days ago, i had remind of the wise words from a very respected manager of me
life is about happiness
there will be no point to live when u pursue so many things while keeping yourself unhappy
he is right, the purpose of life must be there always
always repent, always think about what's the purpose of doing something
that will mostly keep us including me from being negative
after a good sleep, and a cup of black coffee, and when i came back from SG for second time
i am now feeling much better
thinking back, i see the importance of action again
when u r worry, and duno where to start off
calm down, coz things definitely is difficult at the beginning and there will be times u duno wat to do
just keep doing it, keep doing it
most importantly keep your faith and attitude positive
dun ever dwell on it too much, dun doubt coz its common
and dun compare too much, keep doing it and it will improve after times
oh bad mood, i find it difficult to deal with you when my life style has a sudden change
from having many people close with me, to a place where no or less people concern me
loneliness breeds negative thought, its very true
to make it worse, problems hits me one after another and im crippled by negative thoughts
for this, calm your mind, try to FEEL the religion and the grateful feeling inside out
remember how i had got to here? keep humble, keep grateful to everyone, every incident, keep healthy
remembering parents, family, friends or anyone who has talk something to me that in some way or another brings me here
physically, eat well, sleep well, and move more
mentally, be positive, be humble, be calm, be grateful of wat has happened
and always remember the purpose of life, work to improve to be happier, not to be more miserable
with love, peace and joy,
kayne ;)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Goodbye and good luck to all of us ....
4th of Oct was my last day in TG
So many memories taking place within this one year after I graduate
most of them happened on people i knew in TG
Compare to the feeling of resistant i had at the beginning
I seriously missing the people now, their laughter and the things we did all the days in past
Work, eat, play, outing
We see each other from factory to hostel
And we talk and we jokes
Laughter was never ending that time
Now i have left
We might not be able to be that close in future
We have no chance to be with each other everyday anymore
Sorrow is deep in my heart, which i choose to cover it from knowledge of all
Not until the last moment i had ever stop to perform my duty, my job, and my part in the life of you all
I work, i laugh, i sing, i eat heartily, n i care
i cherish all the moments with u all, though i believe is a bit late to get actually get closer
u know who u are
my housemates, my colleagues of f2/9/11 and my superiors
love you all, thanks for such memory and bcoz of u all i am the person im now
with love,
kiong
So many memories taking place within this one year after I graduate
most of them happened on people i knew in TG
Compare to the feeling of resistant i had at the beginning
I seriously missing the people now, their laughter and the things we did all the days in past
Work, eat, play, outing
We see each other from factory to hostel
And we talk and we jokes
Laughter was never ending that time
Now i have left
We might not be able to be that close in future
We have no chance to be with each other everyday anymore
Sorrow is deep in my heart, which i choose to cover it from knowledge of all
Not until the last moment i had ever stop to perform my duty, my job, and my part in the life of you all
I work, i laugh, i sing, i eat heartily, n i care
i cherish all the moments with u all, though i believe is a bit late to get actually get closer
u know who u are
my housemates, my colleagues of f2/9/11 and my superiors
love you all, thanks for such memory and bcoz of u all i am the person im now
with love,
kiong
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
為自己的生命點一把火，讓生命發光發熱
常在想，我這樣寫著blog，怎麼寫法好像都差不遠、沒有什麽突破？看到別人寫的文章，我都很容易被文字感動，就不懂我寫的是否也已一樣？尤其是用英文寫的，常常都遇到詞窮的情況，寫出來的就更顯得空洞了。所以這一篇，不得不用華語來寫，因為我實在忍不住詞不達意的時候啦！！！
我的腦袋啊，每天都好像有東西煩惱
尤其是有一些決定需要我去做選擇時，我的思緒好像沒有停過，就像馬達一樣不斷跑著
跑到我誰也睡不好，吃也吃不好
精神上很累啊
最近煩的，還是工作上的老問題
我老是在煩惱自己的將來、自己的事業前途
所以每次需要做這種決定時，我都很煩，或者說是內心很憂鬱、煩躁
有時真的煩到我問自己爲什麽有那麼多煩惱而別人沒有跟我一樣的煩惱
弄到自己特別的累，有沒有意思？
其實，人生有很多路，走得瀟灑、有活力才是對的態度
畢竟不能握住全部，也不知道幾時會走，能擁有對自己和愛人重要的就够了
活著，就是爲了開心！
學會淡定的思考，而不是煩惱，就是開心與不開心的關鍵
不要為明天憂慮，憂慮從來不會使明天變得更好
困境是通往幸福的門，正面的能量就是開啟那扇門的力量，掉頭就走的話什麽都沒了！
相信自己
為自己的生命點一把火，讓生命發光發熱，就是這麼樣活著!
愛著
A kiong
我的腦袋啊，每天都好像有東西煩惱
尤其是有一些決定需要我去做選擇時，我的思緒好像沒有停過，就像馬達一樣不斷跑著
跑到我誰也睡不好，吃也吃不好
精神上很累啊
最近煩的，還是工作上的老問題
我老是在煩惱自己的將來、自己的事業前途
所以每次需要做這種決定時，我都很煩，或者說是內心很憂鬱、煩躁
有時真的煩到我問自己爲什麽有那麼多煩惱而別人沒有跟我一樣的煩惱
弄到自己特別的累，有沒有意思？
其實，人生有很多路，走得瀟灑、有活力才是對的態度
畢竟不能握住全部，也不知道幾時會走，能擁有對自己和愛人重要的就够了
活著，就是爲了開心！
學會淡定的思考，而不是煩惱，就是開心與不開心的關鍵
不要為明天憂慮，憂慮從來不會使明天變得更好
困境是通往幸福的門，正面的能量就是開啟那扇門的力量，掉頭就走的話什麽都沒了！
相信自己
為自己的生命點一把火，讓生命發光發熱，就是這麼樣活著!
愛著
A kiong
Sunday, July 24, 2011
July
it's July!
i cant really believe, i was graduated more than a year, and been working at my current place for a full year!
time goes without stopping for me, or anyone of us
the month of July, to me is like a long long month, 31 days but it seems like endless
few things in my mind actually
1. it marks a year i have been out to work
2. it marks i fail to seek better place within this whole year, shame on me =(
3. i am lost, despite the many dreams and many aspiration of my future, i cant see myself
So how?
Well, time still passed no matter what kind of emotion i had along the way
To actually realize this eternal fact can be even more worrying, but it can be enlightening too
somebody ask me a simple question recently, well, he is one of my superior
What kind of life you want?
Simple as that, but it really knock me down
Not that i do not have the answer, in fact i answer spontaneously in a way that i was being interviewed
sharp, fast and steady, as if im well prepared with the answer which i have been prepared
surprisingly, after i shoot my answer confidently of how well i imagine my life to be
he told me : to me, what i want is to be happy
stunned, a simple but awakening statement from him
that day, and a few days that follows
i was wondering, what exactly miss out in myself
i thought i was telling a perfect tales of my life map which will be envy by many people
5 years, 10 years, and so on, i though if i follow the way i plan, i will be successful living a good life
but i found that my plan is totally defenseless after that conversation
am i having not enough faith in my own plan and swayed by others?
i think not, things that goes wrong is my so-called planning, dreams, aspiration
it was all a perfectly sculptured body
nice-looking but it lacks the very fundamental element within the body --- the soul,
which makes it lifeless
And i was not happy with that
On the next day, i turn down the offer from another company, offering me a job in production of chemicals
i am not sure whether this a rational one
cos previously i though im so firm with strong reasons to switch
i though i had made up a firm decision to change
but deep down in me i found i am not feeling happy to leave
that's the soul which i'm missing, and i choose to stop that and find back my soul
that's what i can conclude in July
So August is coming
Haha I'm so happy with my birthday's coming
not really because im expecting anybody to wish me or celebrate with me
but im feeling particular happy of getting grown up to a better person
I'm glad through my journey i have met quite a number of inspiring people
from where i draw lessons and reflect myself
and from their stories im well aware the challenge on me is to live my own way and shine
Keep this up!
With love,
Kayne
i cant really believe, i was graduated more than a year, and been working at my current place for a full year!
time goes without stopping for me, or anyone of us
the month of July, to me is like a long long month, 31 days but it seems like endless
few things in my mind actually
1. it marks a year i have been out to work
2. it marks i fail to seek better place within this whole year, shame on me =(
3. i am lost, despite the many dreams and many aspiration of my future, i cant see myself
So how?
Well, time still passed no matter what kind of emotion i had along the way
To actually realize this eternal fact can be even more worrying, but it can be enlightening too
somebody ask me a simple question recently, well, he is one of my superior
What kind of life you want?
Simple as that, but it really knock me down
Not that i do not have the answer, in fact i answer spontaneously in a way that i was being interviewed
sharp, fast and steady, as if im well prepared with the answer which i have been prepared
surprisingly, after i shoot my answer confidently of how well i imagine my life to be
he told me : to me, what i want is to be happy
stunned, a simple but awakening statement from him
that day, and a few days that follows
i was wondering, what exactly miss out in myself
i thought i was telling a perfect tales of my life map which will be envy by many people
5 years, 10 years, and so on, i though if i follow the way i plan, i will be successful living a good life
but i found that my plan is totally defenseless after that conversation
am i having not enough faith in my own plan and swayed by others?
i think not, things that goes wrong is my so-called planning, dreams, aspiration
it was all a perfectly sculptured body
nice-looking but it lacks the very fundamental element within the body --- the soul,
which makes it lifeless
And i was not happy with that
On the next day, i turn down the offer from another company, offering me a job in production of chemicals
i am not sure whether this a rational one
cos previously i though im so firm with strong reasons to switch
i though i had made up a firm decision to change
but deep down in me i found i am not feeling happy to leave
that's the soul which i'm missing, and i choose to stop that and find back my soul
that's what i can conclude in July
So August is coming
Haha I'm so happy with my birthday's coming
not really because im expecting anybody to wish me or celebrate with me
but im feeling particular happy of getting grown up to a better person
I'm glad through my journey i have met quite a number of inspiring people
from where i draw lessons and reflect myself
and from their stories im well aware the challenge on me is to live my own way and shine
Keep this up!
With love,
Kayne
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