July

it's July!
i cant really believe, i was graduated more than a year, and been working at my current place for a full year!
time goes without stopping for me, or anyone of us
the month of July, to me is like a long long month, 31 days but it seems like endless
few things in my mind actually
1. it marks a year i have been out to work
2. it marks i fail to seek better place within this whole year, shame on me =(
3. i am lost, despite the many dreams and many aspiration of my future, i cant see myself

So how?
Well, time still passed no matter what kind of emotion i had along the way
To actually realize this eternal fact can be even more worrying, but it can be enlightening too
somebody ask me a simple question recently, well, he is one of my superior
What kind of life you want?
Simple as that, but it really knock me down
Not that i do not have the answer, in fact i answer spontaneously in a way that i was being interviewed
sharp, fast and steady, as if im well prepared with the answer which i have been prepared
surprisingly, after i shoot my answer confidently of how well i imagine my life to be
he told me : to me, what i want is to be happy
stunned, a simple but awakening statement from him
that day, and a few days that follows
i was wondering, what exactly miss out in myself
i thought i was telling a perfect tales of my life map which will be envy by many people
5 years, 10 years, and so on, i though if i follow the way i plan, i will be successful living a good life
but i found that my plan is totally defenseless after that conversation
am i having not enough faith in my own plan and swayed by others?
i think not, things that goes wrong is my so-called planning, dreams, aspiration
it was all a perfectly sculptured body
nice-looking but it lacks the very fundamental element within the body --- the soul,
which makes it lifeless
And i was not happy with that

On the next day, i turn down the offer from another company, offering me a job in production of chemicals
i am not sure whether this a rational one
cos previously i though im so firm with strong reasons to switch
i though i had made up a firm decision to change
but deep down in me i found i am not feeling happy to leave
that's the soul which i'm missing, and i choose to stop that and find back my soul
that's what i can conclude in July

So August is coming
Haha I'm so happy with my birthday's coming
not really because im expecting anybody to wish me or celebrate with me
but im feeling particular happy of getting grown up to a better person
I'm glad through my journey i have met quite a number of inspiring people
from where i draw lessons and reflect myself
and from their stories im well aware the challenge on me is to live my own way and shine

Keep this up!


With love,
 Kayne

Good and bad

Recently i have been doing something good and something bad

good 1: I've started to pick up the habit of jogging, though it is limited to Sunday. I used to be unable to run for even 10 mins, but now i can slowly run for 30 min! well, i shud continue doing this, cos i really feel so good after running ^^

good 2: I've been starting my resume sending again. I lost my patience of doing so since i failed my recent job offer, but now i started back. Inspired by the spirit of jogging, i felt that my journey don't stop unless I've stop moving on. I have to keep doing my job searching, refine my steps from time to time, keep steady pace and keep enjoying the scenery along the way. for now, i refrain myself from being passive and complainer...keep running, keep my pace!

good 3: i have been keeping track on my healthy breakfast menu for some time, that's great! i slowly add in more protein in my breakfast, i hope i can take in more protein to help me gain a bit weight

good 4: i started to knock off on target time! i dun care whatever i was doing, i will let go of my work and leave on 6pm! no more 7pm or 8pm >.<

bad 1: i regret on my slow decision, i've lost a job because of this...why? i guess God is trying to teach me: slow people will lose what they want, and the worse is when u're overconfident of getting it!

bad 2: i'm totally out in earning money now! I din go for tuition teaching as i thought of long ago, my investment account has been inactive since i open it, and i din get any offer or even reply from whatever i've applied! And ever since i bought my car, there's basically nothing that cheers me up on my account figures...well, i am unhappy bcos of money again, everything is stagnant!

bad 3: im feeling stagnant in my work now. I did not set any target for my career, not to say arrange strategy for it. my life just go on and on, routine job on taking care of quality, meeting, discuss on ad-hoc issue, laughing around with colleagues....it's simple but it has no direction, i mean the personal one...what do i want to get from my current job? my direction = factory direction = increase output + improve consistent quality + utilities & material saving + process improvement ?? my god, why dun i sell myself to factory if it is like this!

for the good one, i will keep up, and makes my life happier, better
for the bad one, i shud be looking into it... my direction, my attitude and my financial/technical development

Continue the spirit of jogging, never lose track, never lose direction and never lose stamina and keep pace!

with love,
kayne

thanks to you, i had these words in my mind

there was this friend, who come into my life unexpected
we were colleagues
then slowly become good friend
it doesn't happen overnight...argh, im lazy to details on how it happens
its just that we become friends who can chat on almost everything

And then she left
to pursue her dream
I never felt sad for her leaving, but i was actually spending the best of time with her as colleague
I was surprise how happy I'm, full of blessing when she left and even become the MC of her farewell
this is the first time, i feel that im so mature
and thanks to her, i've grown a little bit more

Before she left, she brought some little souvenirs for some colleagues
and i got a bookmark
which i think she really understand wat im thinking of
as the words on the bookmark are just in time
maybe she wanna tell me in person but was hard to tell
but i could say, we are both ambitious Leo
pursuing dreams, cherish values of life
And we are doing it all the time, having faith, having patience to make it happen
And now i was chanting these words in my mind
Each time when i feel weak
Or even before i feel weak
I chant it, read it silently in each morning
just to keep the fire in heart lighting, warm my life out of coldness of reality

*Keep believing* That you are what it takes to make your dream a reality
*Keep staying positive" Knowing that you are in control of your life-that you have the ability within you to do anything
*Keep on trying*At every opportunity that comes by- accepting the challenges and learning along the way
*Keep Being*the beautiful person that you are- giving so much hope, love and joy to those around you.

I felt the strength within these words, do you?
And i notice the emphasize of "keep" which tell us these have to become a habit, not an action of once or twice
Thanks friend, I gotta make it my way!

With love,
Kayne

珍惜·感恩

今早一切看起来不过是平凡的一个星期天早上

面子书的墙上突然看到一则朋友的post “妈妈一路走好，我爱你”

震撼

前几天的晚上和一个网友聊天

本来是和平时一样的

突然一句话“我妈妈的癌症了，是第三期”

心痛

这年头，战乱不断，社会也很乱

但是，也许在我们还没有等到世界末日那一天时

我们根本没有想过

最痛的是自己爱的人、爱自己的人

在没有预期的情况下离开

灾难人祸，就算是全人类灭亡

最痛的是没法很爱你的人说一句“我也爱你、谢谢你”

 佛说生老病死乃人生常态

既不能逃脱常态    感恩惜福变得比一切还重要

到现在我还不敢跟妈妈说我爱她

到现在我还不敢给爸爸一个拥抱

到现在我还不能专心的跟姐姐说一声谢谢你

到现在。。。对不起，对你们的爱我是那么的无法开口

唯有好好的做好自己、对你们我愿意付出一切

其实说不出，我会用行动来证明，我爱你们

我要好好的听你们说话

即使有时难听我也不会怪你们


我相信   我会是让你们骄傲的人

也许现在真的没办法让你们有一切的保障，也不能实现一些你们想做但是没钱做的事

也许有太多的也许

我心与你  我愿无穷  感恩惜福再造福

天佑我的家人  只要我一息尚存就会为自己也为你们努力

感恩