the road not taken

So it's May now, the 10th month I have worked for my current employer
A lot of things has come to mind, a lot of opportunities come and go
And of course, eventually a lot of thoughts has grown, mature gradually

I remembered i was one a very impatient boy
i give up easily when i did not get to achieve whatever i want to achieve

I remembered myself as a uncommitted boy
wanting to get something but did not truly put in effort long enough


I remembered I was at the extreme of low-self esteem
living in so much fear, worry,doubt and yet try to cover up my interior complexity and behave in pseudo-superiority


I remembered I used to be too calculative and have a narrow heart
cannot accept the little givings to people other than friends and feeling hard after being thrown with nasty words from others

now only i realized, and start to get the right track in my life
being patient, as my targets might not achieved immediately
being committed, as targets without real effort and pain is just an empty talk
being positive and confident, as these moves us on and not wasting my time
being generous and open mind, as giving more is a real fortune and the real way of getting true happiness is taking mistakes and uncertainties as growing chance

all these repeated in my mind, and i still need to remind myself of these sometime
these are not crap, not ideal, not empty talk
for times i will still fall and doubt, but again i remind: go on, there's a better way


Now i am at the cross road again
the decision is tough as usual
my values are being tested, whether money is more important or the job scope or the future prospect
I need to think again and again, i still think money looks the most tangible return
but from a FB post of my fren i was reminded the importance of challenging ourselves from our comfort zone
Can i totally abandon my desire of money? 
certainly no, but money can be earned if i'm valuable
and values only come from adversity, uncertainties

"Just do your best to be the best of you can, let excellence follows u"





With love, 
Kayne